


Comfort (10/02/2009)

by kaichuudokei



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fear of loss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Loss, POV Alternating, Promises, Tragedy, Unresolved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 03:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9302267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaichuudokei/pseuds/kaichuudokei
Summary: A certain fear of what awaits in the future pushes Minako to confess her feelings in the bluntest, most straightforward way possible. As she manages to make her way to Shinjiro's room, the sense of dread only grows stronger from the warning signs that she is unable to ignore. What should she do - what can she do?------My interpretation of Shinjiro's social link's romance route rank, two days before October 4. Very soft and innocent - that's just how I see this evening playing out. Switching POVs, hopefully it won't be too distracting. Trigger warnings for mentions of drug abuse.





	

  
_“...I ain’t holding back anymore.”_  


Words of such sudden, newly gained confidence were uttered out by the male that stood closely in front of the girl’s smaller stature. It made the atmosphere in the room stand still, in curious anticipation on the Fool’s part - a reaction to a response she certainly hadn’t expected. For Shinjiro’s demeanor up until now had been one so utterly bashful and incapable of performing such straightforward approach, Minako having always been the one to take the initiative. Eyes widen slightly as she observes the boy’s face - even though he hasn’t yet broken eye contact with her, a sense of hesitation still remains seemingly painted all over his features, cheeks gaining a subtle red hue as moments pass by. Such determination in his voice upon those words, something that the air around him somehow mysteriously still seemed to lack. _Funny…_ she thinks to herself, but surely nothing new. As if battling his own thoughts, a hand finally reaches to cup the girl’s shoulder, _slowly_ \- the tension only growing that much stronger from the physical contact. Still, no other effort was made to take things further, not a single movement to imply that he would actually do something. It feels like time has chosen to stand still, making such silent moment between the two seem even longer than it already did. 

“Tch…” Shinjiro suddenly lets out, steel eyes then averting contact with the girl’s, simply cast downwards in obvious embarrassment. _Was he not able to do it, after all?_ For a moment it had appeared like he intended to lean in to kiss her, that moment now halted by his lack of confidence so quickly returning. She finds his shyness in these situations rather endearing, her surprised facial expression shifting into an understanding smile. “Senpai…” she murmurs softly, hand rising to gently caress the boy’s own that still rested on her shoulder before taking it into hers, observing the movement as she locks fingers with his. Strangely enough, she can feel, even see his hand shiver once she does that, the smile on her face quickly fading away as she swiftly glances back at Shinjiro’s face. She furrows her brows slightly in her concern. _No… maybe it was nothing…_

“...Are you… _nervous_ …?”

It doesn’t take him long to reply, though his voice now is barely audible and resembles a mere mumble. “...Nah, that’s… not it.” Shinjiro found it difficult to blatantly lie to her, even if it had spared him from any more questions. “T-then… _what--_ why are you--?” Her voice fades away before she is able to finish her question as Shinjiro pulls her into another embrace. Was it his intention - to stop her from inquiring such thing from him? She’s only able to let out a quiet exhale instead, his low voice then breaking the silence once more. “...Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. _Just--_ ” He pauses and squeezes her tight. “...If I’m not able to make you leave, then... _I want to be with you._ ” So genuine were those words, something about it made her almost want to tear up a little. _Ridiculous!_ But why? Why did she feel a sense of dread, at the same time? He hadn’t said anything _(tonight, at least)_ to merit such worry, but she couldn’t shake off a certain feeling of **finality** as she stood there, arms wrapped around her Moon’s figure. He wasn’t going anywhere, was he? Yet she wasn’t able to stop thinking about all the things he’d said prior, all the ominous talk about leaving something behind, or how she and the other members of SEES were supposed to look after Shinjiro’s best friend after... _what_? What was it, what was going to happen? Those words had been the very catalyst for her sudden love confession tonight, she just couldn’t go another day without the boy knowing how she truly felt about him. She holds back her desire to yell at him, not in anger but in her tremendous worry, her fears eating away at her mind… But says not a single word of the sort, somehow unable to keep insisting on getting her way, this time. 

“Okay…” she only says quietly. Of course, she was going to stay with him. After all, wasn’t she the one who went through all that trouble to get here in the first place? He’d tried to stop her, to turn her back around multiple times - yet she persisted. It had always been this way between the two of them, so often he’d questioned her decision to spend time with him. _Why wouldn’t she, though?_ He was pleasant and reliable, safe… He always treated her with kindness and thoughtfulness, clumsy as it may have been, but at the same time all the more lovable in her eyes. And somehow, she was always able to make him smile like no one else did… Was it conceited, to feel so proud of herself being able to cause such reaction in him? She wasn’t sure, but it always did make her quite happy. Hopefully, he was equally happy to be with her, though despite his many smiley faces he always seemed to carry a certain **sorrow** with him… She just couldn’t put her finger on the reason why. 

He lets go of her again, the sinking feeling in her chest growing heavier from the coldness that seems to take over her body from the sheer contrast of the room’s normal temperature compared to the warmth that the boy’s body was radiating, being held so close to hers. _“Ah…”_ she lets out in surprise, somehow she had expected to be there forever like that. Fearing he was going to make her leave after all - despite the desire to stay with her he’d expressed only moments earlier - she stares at his face intently until he takes hold of her hand. 

“Should we… sit down?” he suggests and gestures subtly at the bed, heat conquering his face in embarrassment after he realizes how it may have sounded like to her. He wasn’t going to cross any lines here - but couldn’t get the image of closely lying next to her on the bed, caressing her beautiful visage out of his head. He wanted to hold her - one last time - before having to eventually leave her side… _for good_? He couldn’t say for sure, but knew the possibility was strong. He was going to pay for his past mistakes after all, was there really any other way than forfeiting his life? He sighs when the thought reaches him, Minako finally replying to his question right after.

She forces herself to smile again, despite all the scary thoughts that made her chest feel tight with anxiety, even if she’s relieved that he wanted to stay with her a little longer. “Mhm. Lead the way, senpai!” Her voice is quite cheerful considering her inner struggle, so much so that it is almost enough to convince Shinjiro to stop worrying about how unusually quiet she had been a while before. _Almost._ He’s still unable to shake off the **guilt** he feels for being with her like this in the first place, because of what is soon to follow. The boy silently nods, taking the girl’s wishes to heart and slowly leads her towards and to his bed by the hand, taking extra effort as to not hurt her in any way as he sits her down before quietly seating himself next to the Fool. 

An awkward silence ensues when the girl turns her body to face his and places a hand on his coat, right under the collar, casting a look that speaks volumes when she asks her next question while toying with one of the buttons under the tips of her fingers. “This coat… _Can you…_ ” She looks away, almost ashamed of herself for the request that she wants to make, but decides to finish her sentence anyway. “...Can you… take it off? I… want to be closer to you.” Indeed, the fact that he was still wearing his coat despite that they were both indoors had always baffled her. It made him also feel a little bit distant, like he was always ready to leave somewhere. _Why?_ Was he cold? But she was just fine and so was everyone else, without having to wear any excess clothing... It was yet another detail she found herself grow concerned over. “Only if you want to, though…” she adds softly, she wasn’t going to insist if it made him uncomfortable.

“H-huh?” Shinjiro says, his eyes widening a little at her plea. “I… suppose I can do that.” If it made her happier, he could sacrifice a little of his body heat escaping him. They were in his room, he tended to keep the temperature in there ever so slightly higher than elsewhere in the dorm anyway. Fingers reach to unbutton the series of buttons on his coat, Minako’s hand sliding off of his chest as a result. Yet she still keeps on observing the boy with a stare that keeps the heat to his cheeks as he slowly works his way all the way down the row of buttons until he’s able to open his coat wide, revealing a brown turtleneck shirt underneath. Shinjiro stands up for a little while to take off and place the item of clothing on the chair next to his table before returning to the girl’s side.

“.....”

Silence. Before Minako speaks up once more, her voice now a gentle whisper. “Thank you…” She wished the beanie could have come off as well - she wanted to see all of him, properly. But decided she wouldn’t ask for more than she felt was absolutely necessary. And so she smiles as she wraps her arms around the boy’s neck. The room is completely quiet for a while, the two teenagers then positioning themselves to lay down on the plain white covers of his bed, closely entangled together in a silent embrace so strangely full of **_yearning_**. Minako finds herself studying the surroundings for a while, his room that so oddly lacked any of the quirky personality that she had come to love, not a single sign of even the young man’s passion for cooking can be detected. Empty and plain, only a cardboard box with the little of his belongings that he had was placed on the table. It was truly a sad sight in Minako’s eyes and only reinforced the fearful thought that he _wasn’t going to stay_ … Why had he not settled down like the rest of the dorm? It had already been a month since his arrival, yet his room stayed almost untouched. She would have loved to help him decorate the room, even bought him things to decorate it with had she known about it being this way. Now wasn’t the right time to bring something like that up however, was it? 

Another, shaky hand reaches to caress the side of the girl’s face, interrupting this train of thought. Noticing that makes her fears resurface stronger yet again, she also catches a whiff of a certain, oddly synthetic smell as she looks up at the boy. _What on earth could smell like that?_ It didn’t stink, it wasn’t a bad smell in that way… But it was quite unpleasant still, very much unlike how the rest of the boy she loved smelled like. Was it the suppressants he had been taking? Was he still taking them, even when he was supposed to have no reason to suppress his Persona anymore? She frowns and notices it causing the boy to look at her with sadness in his eyes. Sadness and _awareness_. He knew exactly what was going on, didn’t he?

“Aragaki-senpai…” she muses quietly again. “You’re… not going anywhere, are you?” Finally, she asks what she’s been wanting to ask ever since the first time he’d made one of those odd comments about leaving. She can sense that she’s entering a dangerous territory here, even just from the way that Shinjiro closes his eyes immediately after hearing the question or how his hand stops in its tracks as he pets the girl’s hair. As if avoiding any untruthfulness from being detected behind his eyes this way, his facial expression otherwise unfaltering - not giving away a single clue of what he’s really thinking. With a sigh, he opens his eyes again to stare directly into the Fool’s own crimson hues and suddenly - the boy smiles for the first time since Minako had approached him today. _Is she just imagining things?_ His gentle smile looks more exhausted than usual. 

“You sure are full of questions today, aren’t you?” He sounds a little irritated, but his face looks amused. “You worry too much. _Seriously_ …” After those words, he looks off to the side again, the smile quickly fading off his lips as he says that. A part of her made Minako immediately want to respond with _“You’re one to talk!”_ as one of the male’s most characteristic features was his tendency to worry about everything and anything… She kept quiet though, simply waiting for Shinjiro to finally free the girl of her fears, to tell her he wasn’t going to leave. No such thing happened however as the boy simply dodges the question with his eventual response when he finally glances back at her.

“...I’ll keep all the promises you’ve had me make, all right? _All of it._ From hosting another dinner party to spending Christmas with you.” Shinjiro hoped it didn’t have to be a blatant lie that he had just told her. If, somehow, he were to survive whatever it was that awaited him in a few days - even if his chances were slim - he wanted to make sure he could do these things with her. She had made him promise a lot of things lately, he could only wonder if it had been on purpose as she seemed to have taken note of the little hints the Hierophant had given her about his potential departure. _Dammit!_ He didn’t want to make her worry like this. This girl really did make it awfully hard for him to just accept his fate and leave, didn’t she? She just had to walk into his life at a time like this… Such an unfortunate coincidence. _Unfortunate...?_ On the other hand she had made the little time he had **_worthwhile_** , she always managed to make him smile. Unfortunate for the girl - but in many ways, Shinjiro himself had been lucky to have met someone like her.

Minako still found it impossible to smile, even with the promise that the boy made. _Would he really?_ He didn’t seem the type to lie about something like this, but after all the signs that she’d seen could she really trust his word? She simply nods in response and though she would have wanted to force the boy to give a proper response to her question, she simply rests her head against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart, the warmth of both his body as well as his character making her yet again wish she could just stay there forever. She knew she would have to leave at some point tonight… _What then?_ Could she spend another night with him like this, right after this one? He still hadn’t told her he loved her back, even though she had already said that to him many, many moments ago. He still had not kissed her, even if for a while it had looked like he would. Not even when she pulled herself closer, her face close to his, gazing at his lips every once in a while… _Still no sign of it._ Despite her more straightforward and impulsive nature - somehow - she wasn’t able to do that, either. It would have only required a small movement, or a simple question. She could have asked him if it was alright to do so... But nothing like that escapes her lips for the whole time that she lies there with him, Shinjiro’s digits softly traveling through her hair… 

Eventually, she gives up on the hope that something of that nature would happen tonight, moving her face away from his. Not only because she realized it did nothing to help the situation, but also in order to not reveal the sad frown that crept onto her face yet again because of it. She felt empty, _disappointed_ … Yet she **_should have_** been happy to even be with him like this in the first place. In a way she was, of course… He was warm, he was close - closer than ever. Yet it wasn’t anything like she’d imagined it would be like. For whatever reason, she had thought that the boy - despite his bashfulness - would have wanted to do more than just lie down and cuddle with her. A kiss, a _confession_ … That’s what she desperately wanted. How selfish of her! Clearly something was bothering Shinjiro, but nothing she did seemed to get any sort of a different response out of him. Just avoidance - maybe she’d pushed him too hard? Maybe she had already asked too much of him? She couldn’t express her concern any more, he might just make her leave if she did that…

Shinjiro stayed equally silent as the girl in his arms, on top of his chest - something about her presence despite the guilt that haunted him felt so utterly… **_comforting_**. If only it could be like this a little longer… He would have to make her leave once the Dark Hour came at least, even if it was blatantly obvious by now that she had no intention of climbing the Tower tonight. The longer she stayed, the more he could feel his resolution falter. _He mustn’t let that happen!_ Amada deserved his revenge. That’s why, after tonight, he would have to shut her out completely. He hated even just the thought of it, he hated how well he was aware that it would hurt her, just as _whatever was fated to happen on the fourth day of this month_ would. But he had no other choice, he’d made the decision to atone for his crimes in any way the little boy he’d once wronged saw fitting, one of the options surely was death itself. _Yet he didn’t want to die_ … Not like this. Not right after meeting someone that had sparked such an odd desire to look forward to the future. Someone he… had fallen in love with, quite frankly. Desperate almost, definitely so - even if Amada wouldn’t kill him, the drugs he was taking eventually would. His health was deteriorating, he could tell. Even Minako had noticed the signs it seemed, though he wondered how she already hadn’t before. She knew about the pills - everyone did - but she might not have been aware how grave the coincidences for taking them were in reality, nor that he still had to take them in order to keep Castor under control.

An hour passes by, another soon follows and draws to a close… The two Persona-users exchange words every now and then but for the most part stayed silent - together. Not much else was needed to keep the two of them entertained, after all… Even if Minako kept wishing she could have done more, that she could have at least helped him in some way. She could tell, the act of comforting was what she was doing… She was comforting the young man, even if she hadn’t managed to find out the reason why he needed something like that in the first place. At times, she has to force herself to swallow back any sobs, to blink away any tears that she might have wanted to let out whenever the sad thoughts reach her time and time again. She had to stay strong, he had made her promise not to cry… Cry because of what, _this_? Those words alone made her want to cling to the friend she’d made, who she wanted to be with and never leave, to cry out loud all the questions that kept popping up in her head. Not another word, she suppresses any negativity if only as to not ruin this moment.

Finally and inevitably, it seems that the Dark Hour has arrived, each and every source of light in the room simply vanishing - only the eerie, green moonlight lighting up the room through the window pane. A sign for her to leave? _Did she really have to?_ She doesn’t get to ask that before Shinjiro lets go of the girl as he makes the two of them rise back up to a sitting position, staring at her intently in the eye as he speaks. “...The Hour… You have to go,” he bluntly says, though it’s quite clear that he was reluctant to do so. No response can be let out, so swift he is in his movements as he stands up and leaves the bed. Quite the cold treatment, so unlike he usually was to her. Shinjiro stands facing against the window, his back turned to the girl when Minako slowly gets up after him. She wants to complain, but doesn’t. Clearly it won’t work on him at this point in time. _“Sorry…”_ Shinjiro suddenly says, head hanging low. It was an apology for both his sudden distance as well as the upcoming events that were sure to make her suffer.

“I-it’s okay!” she exclaims, almost instinctively. That was most definitely but a lie. He still won’t turn back around to look at her though, somehow she feels even afraid to go up to him again. Not because she feared he would do or say something bad, but simply because she knew she would start crying right there in front of him did she have to look at his face right now. “Right… Good night, senpai…” she whispers awkwardly and hurries to the door. Before Shinjiro can answer, Minako leaves the room as fast as she can, she can feel the sobs that she’s holding back rise all the way up to her throat, choking her. 

Once outside the room and having made sure no other dorm members were around to pay witness to it, she lets out a wave of quiet sobs. _One, two, three, four,_ countless of times, while covering her mouth as to not let any louder sounds escape and reach the others’ ears. Tears fall down her face - she had been holding them in all this time for the whole time she’d spent with her Moon tonight. _What to do?_ She **had to** talk to him again tomorrow! She was sure to not even be able to get any sleep tonight because of all the worries, all the fears that ate away at her heart and mind. There was going to be another full moon mission too, she needed to rest so she could focus in battle. _That’s right…_ Tomorrow she’d have another go at talking to him, right before the next full moon. She needed her peace of mind, she would do anything to find out the cause of her concerns.

……How naive she had been, thinking that was all that it would take.  
_She should have done more._ She hadn’t been able to save him. --- No, she had utterly and completely failed him - both as a leader and a friend. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t be here scrubbing off the immense amounts of blood that was covering her clothes and her hands, some of it even having reached the sides of her face. The same blood that had flowed in the veins of those warm hands that had caressed her only a few nights prior. The same blood that rose up to his cheeks, making them so adorably red every time she had managed to embarrass him. The rusty, disgusting smell fills her nostrils and nearly makes her gag. Only a few hours until she’s supposed to be up and go to school. How can she, when all she can think of is the eyes she might never see open again? The smile she may never witness again? And she falls to her knees crying as footsteps of her friends reach her, to take her into her room, perhaps. Not that she cared. Whatever happened to her right now, it was all the same. Another loss, her first since the passing of her parents. Somehow, she found herself here again.

 

…… “I’ll keep all the promises”. _**Liar.**_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first official fic, folks! I am used to RP-style writing, so I'm truly sorry if that somehow shows in this story as well. I decided to use present tense to try and keep the tension, at least for me personally it tends to be a natural way of conveying that in a setting like this. I'm also used to writing for Shinjiro, but this is only my second time writing for Minako! Hopefully you will like my portrayal.
> 
> I guess I should also note that English isn't my native language, any silly mistakes I may have made (or my lousy vocabulary) I apologize for in advance. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
